How to deal with difficult parents.

  

My relationship with my mother is never been entirely good. It took a lot of effort, diplomacy, and willpower on my side to achieve a friendly adult relationship with her. Throughout my life I have met other women whose mothers or fathers were challenging as well and learned from their experience too.  Over the years I have come to few fundamental conclusions with regards to difficult parents:

  

1)      It helps to view parents just like any other people. Hence do not let them get away with the behaviour you wouldn’t put up with from other people. Don’t value their opinion above all. Basically, do not idolise them.

  

2)      The truth is some parents are envious of their kids lives or achievements. Psychologists say that about 60% of parents across the world and regardless of culture admit to be envious of their kids. Sometimes it safer to keep an unhappy, bitter, envious parent slightly at a distance.

  

3)      It is no good patronising parents. They are not little kids despite the fact that sometimes they behave as such. Remember, if they could manipulate you then they are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves in this world.

  

4)      Do not try to earn or buy your parents’ love or approval. Unconditional love is simply ether there or not. Point. The sooner you stop wasting your time trying to achieve it, the better for you.

  

5)      Accept that not all children are wanted. Some of us have happened doe to lack of quality contraception, choices, or knowledge and/or have been born in a stressful environment. BTW, one way of telling that your mother had stress during pregnancy is if you been born left handed (according to Dr. Mona Lisa Schulz, “The New Feminine Brain”).

  

6)      In some extreme cases, the only choice one might have is to sever contact completely and work to get rid of false guilt feeling about it if it occurs.

  

7)      It is NOT necessary to forgive or get closure if you don’t feel like it in order to move on, unlike what some religions or psychologists might tell you. You are entitled to your own opinion with regards to your own experience that might sometimes differ from the opinions of those around you. Remember: millions of people agreed with Hitler, but that didn’t make him right.

  

8)      If you weren’t lucky with parents, it is best to work on getting over it, eventually stopping dwelling on it, then count your blessings and get on with your life.

 

A note about older ways:

 

 In some places, the tradition survived to cast a spell on babies for future obedience to the mother. It seems boys are more subject to it than girls since in the old days sons often used to live with their parents even during adulthood. It is easy to fix this with either specific ritual or any ritual that generally deals with fixing “spoiling”. In the case of success, one feels like a veil was suddenly pulled of her head and the air looks brighter or clearer and the mother’s behaviour all of a sudden seems in a different light.

 

However, mothers can retaliate or hire a professional. Hence it is wiser not to marry their boys at all. Even if you can get your way with her, wouldn’t you prefer a bit more energetically and psychologically equal life partner who is a bit more used to having his/her own mind?

 

If your own mother uses witchcraft for practicality and sees you as her property, then the following might happen. She would either repeat the obedience ritual or she might choose to simply “call” you like they “call” lost person - in which case you might get a weird urge to contact her. You can exercise willpower and resist that. Use any additional spiritually cleansing rituals if needed. It also helps to sever any energy ties to her. Eventually she will ether give up or you will grow energetically stronger than her and develop better immunity, hence her manipulations will no longer have any affect. As she gets older and more used to having less control, she will become mellower and more casual. Although, probably you will never be best buddies.